also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
