i just had sex bonerless
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
