she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
We talked him into tasing himself.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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