how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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