The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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