she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
