Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
somebody snuck up and got me drunk
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
