even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Randomize
