If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
