i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
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