We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
