get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Randomize