Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize