a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Randomize
