She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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