The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
