I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
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