Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
