Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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