I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
