you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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