that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
