Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
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