So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
