Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
