I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
