Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
