Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Randomize
