The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
