Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
