Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Randomize
