Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Randomize