Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Randomize