Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
