my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
