When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Randomize