We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
