dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
