Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
