I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
