I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
