Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Randomize
