hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
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