Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
