I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
