I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
