shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
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