Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
