watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
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Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
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