forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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