i think my tv is drunk
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize