last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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