He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
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