Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
