this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Randomize
