Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
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