i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
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