My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
