I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
