Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
My vagina is officially offended.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
